By nature, I am a couch potato.
I don’t mind a day at home with no plans, a blanket and a couch to myself.
That, to me, is a picture of a wonderful day.
However, I came to realize today that this “couch potato” personality trait can become more of a hindrance than I once thought.
Thanksgiving Break. A chance to break away from the routine of work (for me a teacher) and relax. Every year, I look forward to time spent at home being a “couch potato”. And if I’m honest, this is simply all I really want to do. Yes, spending time with family is something I enjoy as well but there’s just something about waking up, eating breakfast, then hitting the couch.
However, this break was a little different. Without even realizing it, every day of break was full of a list of “to-dos”. As I looked at the week ahead of me, I saw a rushed week instead of a relaxing one. This is where the bitterness began.
Bitter about no free time for me…
No time to relax watching the Today show, my Hallmark series, the back of my eye lids etc…
Bitterness, by definition, means “anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly“.
After reading the definition, can I say guilty as charged?…
As I sat on the couch this morning for the first time all week, the Saturday before going back to work, God woke me up. (I was not sleeping I might add…)
For me, when God wakes me up it feels at first like a little tug on my heart, or a whisper to me heart and today that is exactly what occurred…
His whisper to my heart said, “Come”.
But my heart said “No”.
You see Jesus, all week I have been running around or letting my schedule run me but today, I finally get to do what I want. I finally get to lay here with my blanket, my coffee and the TV. I am finally getting to “relax”. I would rather “come” to You later….
Ouch… Hearing that come out doesn’t feel quite like it did the first time…
But in all honesty, this is exactly what my heart whispered back to God this morning.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE spending time with my Jesus but this morning, I chose Me instead of the Master.
In James 4:8, James says,
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.”
His drawing nigh to me is dependent on me drawing nigh to Him. He longs to draw nigh and invade our moments but experiencing His “nighness” is up to us.
He, the Creator of the Universe, longs to draw nigh to me.
And this morning, I rejected that.
I chose to cling to my own bitterness instead of the presence of the Almighty.
Although today was just one example, if I’m honest, I reject Him more than I care to admit.
I choose selfish over selfless almost daily.
James goes on to say in verse 8,
“Wash your hands you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
So, I am washing my hands.
This verse should be my response each time I see my selfish heart for what it truly is, a dirty, filthy mess.
But, when I choose to wash my hands and my heart, Jesus honors that.
After continually rejecting Him, He still chooses to look past my mess and see Himself.
Now looking back on my rushed week, I see God given opportunities to create memories and moments with others which was in a way, relaxing.
That’s just what God does, transforms what we see into what He sees.
So today, I am choosing to get off my throne of a couch and enter the “throne-room” of my Father. Where He always bids me come….